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HAM RADIO AND DX HUMOR

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THE OLD DXER 

The sunspots were roaring and the Old Dxer was working DX night and day.
The faithful XYL had had it with his QRZing and blew her stack.
"DX DX DX - thats all you ever think about!" she groaned
"Why I'll bet you don't even remember our wedding date!!

"I mostly certainly do" was the immediate reply.
"It was June 14th, 1958 - Thats the night I worked
the XT1, the CRШ, and the AC6!! -- By AC6V

:)

TRUE DUCIE ISLAND STORY
The scenario -- VP6DI has been on the air for a few days and being a new DXCC entity, the whole world (plus a coupla of other worlds) is trying for a contact. Its early morning (1630Z) and Ducie has not made an appearance, the frequency at 21.295 MHz is dead quiet.

Hello CQ CQ CQ here is W4OLDTIMER, calling CQ and tuning
W4OLDTIMER Here is VP6DI
VP6 didn't get the rest of the call -- guess you are in Bermuda, I'll turn the beam -- Handle here is Frank
Well Frank good to contact you - very good morning -- we are not on Bermuda, we are a DXpedition on Ducie Island
HMM Where is Ducie Island
BABBLE GROUSE WHAT'S HE DOING ETC -- From The Anxious Mob Wanting Ducie
Ducie is in The Pitcarin Group we are on a DXpedition
Oh You are on Pitcarin -- let me turn the beam
MORE GENTLE ROUTINE QSO FOLLOWS -- GROUSE SCREAMS THE WAITING MOB.
Well Frank, I need to get on with today's DXpedition, with your kind permission, -- can I use the frequency?
OH Sure Thing Jim, I used to DX a bit
SIGNOFF VP6DI sez QRZ 300 to 310! The band explodes!

WELL DONE DUCIE -- A heart warming story as W4OLDTIMER is 96 Years old and after all it was his frequency!

:D

POLITICALLY INCORRECT DX By AC6V

QRZ FROM DX21DX
( BIG PILEUP )
THE YL STATION - GO AHEAD
DX21DX THIS IS WШW

WШW -- NICE SIGNAL -- WHATS UR NAME AND QTH
I'M IN SAN DIEGO AND THE NAME IS DESIREE
WELL DESIREE -- I'LL BE RETURNING TO SAN DIEGO
-- YOU A SINGLE LADY??

NOPE - BEEN MARRIED FOR 27 YEARS
UR 59 DESIREE QRZ FROM DX21DX
--- AC6V

:O

OLD MEGAWATT

Ham 1 -- Hey I hear Old Megawatt is retiring from Ham Radio
Ham 2 -- Yeah I heard him say that before
Ham 1 -- I know, but this time the FCC said it!

;)

WORKING ROYALITY

The following was related to me by a fellow W6 who prefers to remain Anon,
but swears it is true!

W6 -- JY1 Here is W6ANON -- How did you get such a fancy call sign?
You must have some political pull
JY1 -- It helps when your King!!

:/

OF GENIES AND THINGS

A ham operator is operating Field Day alone at a deserted beach. He is taking a little break from the action, walking around on the beach and notices an antique brass bottle mostly buried in the sand. He digs it out and discovers it's a genie bottle! He manages to get it open and a genie appears. "Thank you for freeing me, O Master!" said the grateful genie. "I will grant you any one wish you want." The ham thinks about it and says, "OK, I got it. I live right now in a restrictive neighborhood. I would like to have a 500 foot tower with all sorts of antennas, despite the homeowners association." The genie looks worried. "O Master! That's a big order. The power of these HOAs and their CC&Rs is most powerful! In fact, they are more powerful than even I, O Master! I would beg you to please choose something else for your wish." The ham says, "OK, let's do this." He goes over to his ham station and pulls out his log books. "See this entry? This is a contact I once made with AC6V. I would sure like to get his QSL card after all this time." The genie looks at the logbook. Then he says, "Now regarding that 500 foot antenna tower, do you want it galvanized or stainless steel?"

:P

ANTENNA ROMANCE ... From The Internet

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Since they were a perfect match, soon they generated harmonics.
Wrapped the harmonics in dipoles.
But later the harmonics turned out to be parasitic elements.

The true story -- she was a tri-bander and he felt trapped, so they went on separate beam headings

^_^

EINSTEIN ON RADIO

"I am often asked how radio works. Well, you see, wire telegraphy is like a very long cat. You yank his tail in New York and he meows in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? Now, radio is exactly the same, except that there is no cat." __Attributed to Albert Einstein

:mad:

THE BOOTLEGGER

A bootlegger walks into a radio store and tells the salesman that he would like to buy the new HF rig over in the corner.  The salesman says, "Sorry, we don't sell to bootleggers". He leaves, goes home, puts on a brown wig and sunglasses and goes back to the store and tells the salesman he wants to buy that new rig over in the corner.  Sales guy says, "Sorry, we don't sell to bootleggers". Old boot asks, "How do you know I'm a bootlegger?" and the salesman replies, "Because that's not a rig, it's a microwave oven."

:rolleyes:

ABSOLUTE SILENCE

PACKET CLUSTER CHATTER
21.295  S79MC  30-JUNE-1998 WEAK  DE AC6V
AC6V DE K6BULL THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE - MINIPROP SEZ NO PROP THERE
K6BULL DE AC6V OK I'LL SEND THE QSL CARD BACK WHEN IT ARRIVES
ABSOLUTE SILENCE

12 METER BAND
CQ CQ UTAH FOR WORKED ALL STATES DE AC6V
AC6V DE K6BULL - YOU'RE GONNA FIND IT TOUGH TO WORK WAS ON THIS BAND
K6BULL DE AC6V - YEAH I KNOW -- HAVE 49 CONFIRMED - NEED UTAH
ABSOLUTE SILENCE

6 METER BAND
CQ CQ MISSOURI CQ MISSOURI FOR WAS DE AC6V
AC6V DE K6BULL AFRAID THERE IS NO PROPAGATION THERE OM
K6BULL DE AC6V REALLY -- JUST WORKED TWO NEBRASKA STATIONS DOWN BAND
AC6V DE K6BULL  BUT MISSOURI IS A FAR REACH FROM NEBRASKA
K6BULL DE AC6V  HMMM MY MAP SHOWS A COMMON BORDER AT GRID EN20   
ABSOLUTE SILENCE

:rolleyes:

Dit- a diddle dot dit.

A friend forwarded this interesting story. Source unknown. de Tom N4KG

Back when the telegraph was the fastest method of long-distance communication, a young man applied for a job as a Morse Code operator. Answering an ad in the newspaper, he went to the office address that was listed. When he arrived, he entered a large, busy office filled with noise and clatter, including the sound of the telegraph in the background. A sign on the receptionist's counter instructed job applicants to fill out a form and wait until they were summoned to enter the inner office.

The young man filled out his form and sat down with the seven other applicants in the waiting area. After a few minutes, the young man stood up, crossed the room to the door of the inner office, and walked right in. Naturally the other applicants perked up, wondering what was going on. They muttered among themselves that they hadn't heard any summons yet.

They assumed that the young man who went into the office made a mistake and would be disqualified. Within a few minutes, however, the employer escorted the young man out of the office and said to the other applicants, "Gentlemen, thank you very much for coming, but the job has just been filled." The other applicants began grumbling to each other, and one spoke up saying, "Wait a minute, I don't understand. He was the last to come in, and we never even got a chance to be interviewed. Yet he got the job. That's not fair!"

The employer said, "I'm sorry, but the last several minutes while you've been sitting here, the telegraph has been ticking out the following message in Morse Code: 'If you understand this message, then come right in. The job is yours." None of you heard it or understood it. This young man did. The job is his.

CW IS!

:cool:

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He he he  :yahoo:

.....

"The Die Hard DX'er!"
By: Clinton Herbert -- AB7RG.
THE DXPEDITION:
5:00 AM - Fellow DX'ers arrive. Crawl out of nice warm bed.
5:30 AM - Toss all gear into truck.
5:45 AM - Get gear out of neighbors truck, and put it in yours.
6:00 AM - Get speeding ticket while hurrying to get to the mountains.
7:15 AM - Get to "The Site", near top of mountain.
7:16 AM - Start unloading gear.
7:20 AM - Get poked in eye with 20M vertical by fellow DX'er.
7:50 AM - Arrive at hospital to get eye patched up.
8:30 AM - Get another speeding ticket while heading up to mountains.
8:45 AM - Arrive back at site. Unload antennas yourself this time.
9:45 AM - Hike up to mountain top. Pass out from exhaustion.
9:50 AM - Wake up to smelling salt, and laughter from fellow DX'ers.
10:00 AM - Put up antennas, and set up rigs.
10:15 AM - Fire up rig, call CQ for half an hour; no replies.
10:46 AM - Hook up coax to rig...
10:48 AM - Realize that finals are wasted in main rig.
10:50 AM - Hook up back-up rig, this time with coax.
11:00 AM - Yell CQ, rare VP8 comes back; antenna falls down...
11:15 AM - Wake up to smelling salt, fellow DX'ers shaking heads.
11:30 AM - Guy antennas.
12:05 PM - See long list of QSO's made by fellow DX'ers.
12:06 PM - Notice rare VP8 in logbook.
12:07 PM - Beat fellow DX'er over head with logbook.
12:09 PM - Restrained by rest of DXpedition team.
12:30 PM - Back to rig for another attempt.
12:35 PM - Nearby lightning strike kills receive. Notice wet pants...
12:36 PM - Look for shelter.
12:38 PM - Find cave!
12:41 PM - Watch antenna get struck by lightning while hiding in cave.
12:42 PM - Wish it was fellow DX'er's antenna, or him that was struck...
12:45 PM - Realize you're not alone in cave...
12:46 PM - Pick up really big rock...
12:47 PM - Mauled by large angry bear.
12:50 PM - Get pulled out of cave by fellow DX'ers.
1:05 PM - Finally get talked into receiving medical treatment.
1:30 PM - Arrive back at hospital.
1:55 PM - Receive series of painful rabies shots, and multiple stitches.
2:30 PM - Get out of hospital and return home.
2:35 PM - "Explain" stitches and eye patch to wife.
3:00 PM - Realize gear is still up on mountain, with bear.
3:01 PM - Wish fellow DX'ers were still up on mountain, with bear...
3:03 PM - Consider taking up drinking.
7:00 PM - Get phone call from DX'er buddies.
7:05 PM - Agree to go on DXpedition again tomorrow...
-------------------------------------------------
These goodies are from Clinton Herbert AB7RG

:take example:

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